I'm not feeling happy.

(Therefore I shall write what I want.)

hmmm.
I just re-read my
previous posts....
The ones where I was still 16.
and DAMN I must say I sounded
like an idiot.

By the way I talked,
whined and complained
and if I was reading someone's blog
by the style I wrote it
when I was sixteen,
I would not fancy her much.


Its shocking to see
what I was last time.
About those stuff
I wrote last time about the ppl
hurting me.....


I think its about time
I've forgiven all of u.
All of us have to move
on eventually instead of hating
the same person for the same mistakes
after all this years.

I mean cmon...
I'm sure u guys
have changed too.


Therefore, I forgive all of u.
(though I might not forget)


NO matter how much shit
and hurt u caused me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I also would
like to take this opportunity
to forgive my ex FINALLY
although he caused me
the worst of all the pains
and made me
phobiatic of guys,
mistrust guys,
sick of guys,
disgusted by guys.


In a nutshell, I remembered
even telling my best friend
"hey, I think I'll go lesbian"


Through all this
pain and shit he put me
through, for making me
TRUST HIM SO MUCH then
runs off with another girl so quickly,
there were good memories too.
So I'll hold on to that =)


Do u remember the day
you told me,


"I know u hate me... so I'll disappear out of your life"

I used to get so angry
and hurt when u said that.


But I actually have to
thank u cuz it made the
wound heal faster..
Remember you said
'We'll still be friends though?"


I'm sorry but I can't do that.
The amount of hurt you
caused me
was seriously just unbearable.


I just felt so cheated by how
u could make me trust u
so much by getting angry
and telling me,
"I already told u B,
I won't find any other girls"
"owhhh u mean her?
She's just my friend la.
Very yong sui right?"

-
-

.........

What happened after that
really just broke my heart.
Like a knife stabbed right into
the middle of my heart,
ripped up and torn into so many pieces.
What I wrote above is
an understatement to the
real pain I felt.


For the first time
I could really feel my heart ache
physically and trust me
it was NOT heart burn.


For the first time
I felt like dying literally and
just wished I could sleep forever
so that the pain wouldn't
hurt so much.


Through all this suffering,
I'm still happy we didn't work out in the end.
U were right.
I was never meant to be with you.

U are so much more
happier now with your
new girl and I cannot be any happier
to see u happy now.
I was very surprised to
see u recently and
realise that my heart
did not even skip a beat.


That just proves that I really
have gotten over you.
So this long post here is
dedicated to u.
All the best in the future.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


This next post here
is not about forgiving..............
Its about disappointment.
and I HAD TO GET IT OFF MY BACK.

Some stranger randomly
begun texting me.

SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FCUK
IS YOUR PROBLEM BY
GIVING MY NUMBER
TO STRANGERS????


U did not ask me for permission.
How disrespectful can u get????
Do u think its ok if I just
randomly give your number
to my friends?
owh wait, the sender even
told me he's NOT CLOSE TO YOU !


I DON'T GIVE A DAMN
if u gave it to him so that he can
make more friends or if he has any
other intention.


HE CAN'T BE SUCH A LOSER and
have NO FRIENDS
that you're giving him a
helping hand by giving him
my number without even asking me.


SERIOUSLY I'M SO $%^&* ANGRY
WITH YOU NOW.
U HAVE ANNOYED ME TO MY BOILING POINT
AND THIS JUST BLOWS IT !
I DON'T GET WHAT THE HELL
YOUR PROBLEM IS?

If this is part of your
revenge scheme towards me
then FINE. BRING IT MALE BITCH ! ITS ON !

I'm so disappointed in you.
I didn't know u'll bend
so low to this standard just
to get back at me.
Being even just friends
with you is a chore for me now.